i think my mom watched the whole time
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize