I will die if light touches me.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
