Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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