9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
