we have officially lost it.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
