Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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