finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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