when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
you had me at cake vodka
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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