The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
