Please, let me fuck your mom
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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