Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
