How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
