shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
