i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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