i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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