Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize