Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
