Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
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Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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