oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
false alarm, still single
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
