A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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