I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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