I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
