just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
