Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
