I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
