Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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