i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
