2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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