just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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