loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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