i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have beer where we have blood.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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