Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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