Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
