You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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