It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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