"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
