It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i am craving dick and cupcakes
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
