Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Shame is for Republicans.
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