you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
