her vagine was all disorganized.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
