Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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