I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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