I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
