I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
pray to the hookup gods
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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