if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You ruined the universe
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
