i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
