margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
