The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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