I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
