How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
