Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
