last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
