i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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