Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
