it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
