You're my little dorito
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
did you just send me my own nude
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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