Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
