my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
