I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
