im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
