I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
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You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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