I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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