he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
