you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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