My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
